Example research essay topic: Cereal’s Tragic Tales – 1,711 words

On my way back from The Fallen Angels Satan Club
Meeting I looked in my mailbox and I got a letter.
It said, “Dear Cereal, Why are you so ugly? I have
to go. Be a good orphan. Goodbye. Love, Mrs.
Mommy.” I wondered who had written that letter.
After about 20 minutes of standing in front of my
mailbox, I realized it was my mom. My mom had
written the letter to me. My mom.

She was the one.
She had written the letter. Mrs. Mommy was my
mommy. A single tear rolled down my cheek. I
realized that I couldnt live with Regina anymore.
My severe sadness is just making her sadder and
sadder. I can’t see her that sad.

I decided to
move out on my own. I couldn’t find a place to
live though. No one wants to sell an apartment to
an ugly depressed boy. Oh woe is me! I feel like
every hair on my head was being ripped out one by
one. Then I realized the reason I felt that way
was because my hands were ripping out my hairs one
by one. Later on, I went to the mall to buy a wig.
When I went in, everyone was staring at me.
Probably because I was bald.

I went to the wigs
store. But it wasnt open. Oh no. I realized the
reason it wasn’t open was because it was very late
and nothing was open except for the sporting goods
store. I recalled an episode of Saved By the Bell,
and I decided to go in the tent in the sporting
good store. I stayed up really late wishing Kelly
Kapowski would come in the tent.

But then I
realized that I’m a loser, and no one likes me. Oh
my medication! Where are you? I need you so! My
blood pulsed through my veins rapidly. It felt
like a million tiny knives stabbing me. In the
morning I got a letter from the mailman. He opened
up the tent and said, “Here, this is for you!” I
said, “Me?” and he said “Yes.” So I assumed it was
for me. It was a letter from Regina! How did she
know where I lived? Before I could think about it,
I realized that I was so depressed and that I
couldn’t take it anymore and I needed drugs.

Then
I forgot what I was thinking about and I opened
the letter. It said. “Dear Cereal, you mean so
much to me. You are especially special! I miss
you. Here is a picture of me to keep you company.
Don’t I remind you of Kelly Kapowski from Saved By
the Bell? Love, Regina” I looked at the picture. I
didn’t know what to think of it.

This morning when
I woke up in my tent, there was a boy/girl
sleeping in the tent. It was Zach Morris or Kelly
Kapowski! Then he/she woke up and I took a closer
look at him/her. It wasn’t Zack Morris or even my
beloved Kelly Kapowski. It wasn’t even Screech, or
Jessie, or even Mr. Belding. When I thought of Mr.
Belding it made me laugh, because I thought ‘Mr.
BAlding’ That is funny.

Where my drugs at? It
wasn’t Mr. Belding or any of the Saved By the Bell
gang. I said, “You look familiar! Are you Bobby
Budnick from the hit Nickelodeon show, Salute Your
Shorts?” He said no, but that he did attend Camp
Anawana. He told me his/her name was Kent Adams
and he/she lived on a subway and was infact a he
she. I am definitely frightened now I started to
hyperventilate and I ran away… “Kent Adams, Kent
Adams!! That sounds familiar? Do you know Regina
Phalange?” I asked.

He said he didn’t. But I knew
he did. I asked him for drugs. He said he ran out.
Then I asked what he/she was doing in my tent.
He/she said that the guy from Macys kicked him
out. This confused me, but I didn’t ask any
questions because I didn’t want to get in trouble
with Ug. Kent and I left the sporting goods store
and went to the movie area.

I wanted to see
Crossroads because of my love for Britney. “She
makes me physically ill, he/she said. But, I said,
“Ok, let’s compromise. We’ll see Crossroads
instead.” I thought this was weird, because there
was no compromise, but again I didn’t want to get
in trouble with Ug. Then I thought to myself, who
the hell is Ug? What are these drugs doing to me?
We realized we only had enough money to buy one
ticket. The rest of it we needed for Prozac.

And,
I was still scared of this weirdo and the fact
he/she was a was in fact a he she!? After the
movie, Kent and I walked around the mall. I wanted
to go back to the tent because I was scared of
Kent. I realized Kent and tent rhyme. Then I told
him/her that. He/she didn’t think it was funny,
but I did. After awhile I realized how late it
was.

All of a sudden some mall police spotted us
and started chasing us down! I got really scared.
What would Zach Morris do in this situation? What
would he do? I spotted a bridal shop that just so
happened to have left their door open! So we
ducked in, and I quickly put on the tux in the
front showcase, and he put on the wedding dress (I
was indeed scared of this he she, why wouldn’t
he/she go away?). We got in the clothes just as
the police ran by. We started fighting and when
more police ran by we had to freeze in the
fighting positions we were in. It was really
funny. Then we stood there for a while and the
lights shut off. I felt something on my leg.

“Is
that you Kelly?” Stupid Prozac. It wasn’t Kelly.
It wasn’t proKELLY either. It was a dog! I kicked
it. I told the dog to take me home. I mean take me
tent. I mean take me to the tent.

When I was tent,
I couldn’t believe my eyes! It was Cleothera
Swenson from Price Chopper! Wait…no.from that
commercial…AHH! Cleothera! Oh Cleothera! Captain
of the girl’s wrestling team, Abercrombie
model…. what a bitch! You made my life a living
hell. You drove me to this depression. Why,
Cleothera, why? You teased me relentlessly. I
realized I wasn’t saying any of this out loud, and
that I was saving it all in my head. “I love you
Cereal!” she shouted.

“What about me?” said Kelly
in my head? What about Kelly Kapowski? Who to
choose! Then I realized how simple it was. Kelly
rhymed with tent. Cleothera didn’t. That was easy!
I told Cleothera that I chose Kelly. Kent didn’t
seem to understand so I told Kent that I chose
Kelly. Cleothera started beating Kent up! Why? I
don’t know…

Luckily, Regina Phalange came and
broke up the fight with her massive muscles, at
least thats what she calls them, and they look
more like fat. As soon as she broke up the fight,
she left, without even saying hi. It was weird!
Kent told me that he had to go to Mr. Greydicks
house. So I decided to go to the wigs store. I
would finally have some hair! And, I thought to
myself who was Mr.

Greydick? And, why was his name
so…ewe! When I got to the wig store I remembered
Kelly doesn’t rhyme with tent…? This morning
some guy opened my tent and said, “What the mother
crap is going on here?!?!” It was Zach Morris! I
asked him why he was scaring me like this, and I
told him I was a big fan of his work, and then I
asked him for an autograph. He said he wasn’t Zach
Morris, and was a ball-stocker at the sporting
goods store, but he would be much obliged to give
me an autograph. I said, “Screw you! I need to buy
a wig!” Before he could get out his pen, I had
already bolted out the door. I high-fived myself,
and then I saw Kent! We went to Wigs R Us. I tried
on a lot of wigs, but I couldn’t find just the one
I wanted…but Kent sure did!!!!! He found the
coolest wig! I wanted to get the coolest wig. But
I wanted it to look real.

Regina has a wig, and it
looks so fake, can’t you tell? So Kent helped me
pick out a wig. It’s really cool! I went to the
pet store today. I took out a puppy to play with,
and then Kent said to put it under my shirt and
walk out. So I did. When I walked out, the trashy
pet store lady was like “Wuz zat unda yo shirt?” I
told her it was my baby! Then she says, “Whyz it
wigglin round like dat?” I told her it was
kicking, and I asked her if she wanted to feel.
She touched my shirt, and the puppy was wiggling
around violently but she didn’t seem to notice! I
took the puppy to my tent and it peed all over the
tent. I was so mad, because all of my notes and
pictures of Regina had dog urine all over them! I
named him Spanky Spanksalot.

Then Kent and I went
to the doctors office to get more Prozac. The
doctor asked what my name was and I said Cereal.
She asked what my last name was, and I just stared
at her. She asked again. “Is it Killer?” she
asked. “No, I can’t say!” I said. Finally after an
hour of staring, I told her.

It was Bowl. When I
woke up this morning, I realized that Spanky
Spanksalot had a bladder control problem, because
my wig was all-soggy. So, until I could get it
cleaned, I decided to get a new one. I recalled
and episode of The Brady Bunch, so I picked one
that would make me look like T ….

Research essay sample on Cereals Tragic Tales